Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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