I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize