dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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