It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
