i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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