There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
