How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
