he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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