just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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