You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
