I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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