It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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