you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
