Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
