I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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