I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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