I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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