Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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