my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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