sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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