checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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