Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
