guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
