oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was confusing and full of hummus
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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