Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
