3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
