I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
