i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
