I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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