If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
