he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
