Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
