We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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