I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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