i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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