How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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