He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
