just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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