i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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