your room smells of hookers.
And success
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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