I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
