I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
