The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
