If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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