dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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