so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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