your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
