I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize