I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we made out on top of his cat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
