There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
