dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
