Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize