I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
