he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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