he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
