see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
