Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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