Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
