I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
