where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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