Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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