I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
