: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
