i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
