I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
