Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
