Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
