I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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