We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
