I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
