if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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