I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
