when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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