ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Found the puke drawer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
