I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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