Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
