if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
