I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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