I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
