he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
