no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
