I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
