Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
