And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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