i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
