what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
