you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
