wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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