I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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