we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
