Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
