Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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