This is not my ceiling
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize