i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
