4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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