I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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