dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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