Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
