Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
