You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
