Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize