You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
