explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize