Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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