Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
