Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
