Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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