you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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