6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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