Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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